Wait...she said there are TWO of them... OH MY GOD...

The ultrasound. We all look forward to that first peek at our baby so impatiently. I am sure most women remember their first ultrasound, but I remember my second better.

I had my first scan at 12 weeks because I had some bleeding, over the course of a few days. I went in for the Oh-no-it’s-a-miscarriage trans-vaginal scan, and the technician said – “You must have had a vanishing twin. You did miscarry a baby, but I see a heartbeat, so there is a viable fetus in there. Don’t worry, you are still pregnant.” I felt very sad that I had lost a baby, but relieved there was still a healthy one growing away in utero. I also felt somewhat relieved that I was not going to have twins. That sounded like SO much work to me...duh-oh!

Then I had my routine 18 week-what-flavor-baby-are-we-having ultrasound. I asked right away –“ Is it a boy or a girl?” The technician said – “Well, there are two of them in there, and this one looks like a boy.” I asked – “Well, is the other one a girl?” I really had an idea of having a daughter, a little princess to spoil. “No, they are both boys! See the penis?” Yes, I could see both of them. Two little penises. I guess I really wasn’t meant to have a daughter, for not only was I not having a girl, but I was so not having a girl I was having two boys. (Actually, now that they have arrived, I can’t imagine having a girl. My boys are pretty tough already, and I hear from other mamas how girls are so much harder. Just ask my sister; her little 4 year old daughter is just too intelligent for her own good sometimes.)


Then it sank in. She said TWO OF THEM. Two of them...I started to cry – I was in total shock. At first I was pregnant – all the tests said so. Then I was bleeding – oh no, a miscarriage – I’m not pregnant. Then the 12-week scan – No, you are pregnant, but you did have a vanishing twin. Then the routine 18 week scan – well, you have twins; this time we really mean it, you are so pregnant, you are pregnant twice. Then what was it really at week 12? A vanishing triplet? If I had had have triplets, and had carried them to term, I certainly would not be at my computer right now. I would either be in a padded room, or 6 feet under.

“Well, there are two of them.” she said and I started to cry. Interesting reaction. Did I know I would be doing a lot of crying in the near future and needed the practice? Did I know, somehow, it would all be so damn hard?

BUT in the midst of all the chaos I get such brilliant moments of aren’t they cute! and aren’t they sweet! and real, genuine, twin-infant-only moments. The other day I had put them in their bouncer seats while I ran upstairs to get..what was it? another pair of arms, a new skin, a chunk of sleep...I forget. But, I ran upstairs to grab something I needed and while I was in the bedroom I heard this chuckling, cackling sound. I picked up the video camera (yes, the brain DOES still work on occasion!) and crept back down to the kitchen to investigate. There they were, my little terrors, just laughing. They could see each other, and perhaps they weren’t sure what each other really were, or who each other could be, or something like that. Anyway, the sight of one baby made other baby laugh and the sound of the giggles made the other baby laugh right back. I have watched this video many times already, and when the boys are with me, and they hear the sound of their own laughter, it makes them sit up and take notice. I hope they start listening to me soon too.