Favorite idiotic comments....so far

My favorite asinine comments and questions from all and sundry...so far

The question I seem to hear the most, and the one that bothers me the most, apart from the inevitable are-they-twins, is – “Do they sleep good for you?” This question gets me on several levels. Number one: I am a stickler for good grammar (or at least decent grammar, if you are being amusing). Number two: that is a rather personal question! What makes a total stranger feel free to ask about such an intimate situation like what happens in my bed at home? And three: they don’t sleep for my sake, they sleep for themselves. If they slept “for me” they would go out like the proverbial light bulbs at 7:00 PM and not wake up until 6:30 or so when I am ready to get up myself.
I keep saying I am going to print up a tee shirt to wear when I venture out in public with my brood. It’ll read:

Yes, they are twins, and
No, they don’t sleep

One of my husband’s buddies, a 27-year-old single guy, was looking at some snapshots from the hospital. He had come to visit during my two week post partum bed rest hell, to see the babies and ostensibly to cheer me up. I had had preeclampsia and was pretty ill for some time after the birth. I had also delivered by cesarean, so I had that whole major surgery thing to recover from as well. So this feller is looking at some pictures, and says to me – “Gee you look pretty out of it in this one.” I took the picture to see what he was referring to. It was a shot of me on the table as I was being stitched back together. My husband is in the foreground with our 5 minute old babies in his arms and we are both a little weepy.
“You look pretty out of it in this one”
“Gee I wonder why? I had just had my body cavity opened to the world, two babies removed, and two big juicy placentas pulled out too, I am full of pitocin, beta blockers, anesthetic and pain killers, I was in labor for about 16 hours, my blood pressure is 140 over 110, basically I am a heart attack waiting to happen and at the moment of this photo three strangers are putting the first of 20 stitches into me. I wonder why I look so dazed?”


One day, when the babies were about 6 months old, I was shopping in J C Penny in the mall. Over the course of a few hours I was asked 17 times (yes, I kept track) “Are they twins?” They aren’t identical, but they look like brothers, and that day I had dressed them in matching outfits. They are the same size, within a few ounces of each other in weight and my husband and I have coordinating carriers. Are they twins…. Whatta YOU think? Why else would someone take two infants of the same proportions out shopping? So, at this 17th repetition of this unoriginal question I said sweetly – “No, they aren’t. I swiped one from the hospital to keep the other one company. You know, children are like cats. They do better in pairs.” The poor woman looked so horrified and said – “That’s a terrible thing to say!” and ran away. My husband gave me a little lecture on being nicer to unknowing strangers. Well, I am sorry I tried to take a big, bloody, bite-sized chunk out of her, but she annoyed me.

Another occasion, well worth documenting, involved one of my husbands many aunts. This lady is extremely nice, but clueless about babies, having never had any children of her own. She came to see the new twins when they were about 3 months old. She had all kinds of questions and comments about everything. Such as their sleeping habits – oh, be sure to get them out of your bed soon! And feeding them - you can give them solids any day now! They’ll sleep better for you, you know. And so on. And then she asked if they were identical or not. No, they are fraternal. Now this was after spending over an hour closely examining both babies. At this point one baby was still completely bald and the other had a full head of hair. Also, their eye color had seemed to settle in early; my baldy baby has bright blue eyes and hairy has dark grey green eyes.

“Are they identical?”
“No, they are fraternal.”
“Well that’s good, or you wouldn’t be able to tell them apart.”
“I’m their mother, and I am home with them every hour of every day. I am sure I’ll always be able to tell them apart.”

That comment got me another little lecture.

My sister, who I mention frequently because she is my closest family member and a mama of two herself, would get me if I didn’t mention the asinine comment I made when her first child was born 4 years ago. She was nursing her little one, who, at 7 pounds was somewhat on the little side, and I was watching her technique, having never seen a nursing mama and baby before up close and personal, as it were. I said – “Gosh, your boob is bigger than her head!” I was surprised at how voluptuous my sister had become, she was always a C cup anyway, and I was startled at her new size F (!!!) breasts. My poor sister still remembers this comment and sometimes repeats it when we are sharing stupid-things-people-have-said-to-me stories. Sister of mine! I am so sorry I hurt your feelings! Now that I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end, please feel free to give me an open handed smack next time we meet. I can take it like a mama.