A two dwarf morning

Today began as a two dwarf morning – Grumpy and Sleepy. But my twinges, Screechy and Kicky, were up and ready to go at 5:45, so I was too. Their Daddy gave them their breakfast, so I was able to get another 45 minutes shuteye - not sleep mind you, just eyes staring at the backs of my eyelids for a while. For who could sleep with the early AM scream festival going on downstairs? It’s not that they don’t like to eat their breakfast, it’s just they prefer Mama in the morning (in the evening, ain’t we got fun?)

So, I got up and put on the clothes that were hanging over the chair next to the bed – jogging pants, nursing bra, red socks with reindeer on them, no shirt (why bother with a shirt? I am nursing two), the usual page right out of Vogue, and ran around putting in a load of laundry, and picking up before the DH went to work. (Lucky beast! He gets to go to an office and stare at the walls and wonder what we are up to all day and be mad about missing them growing up – actually I am the lucky beast. Or sometimes I’m just a beast.)

I tried to take them for their early morning walk, but my little one became incensed by the whole experience – how DARE you put me in a stroller!!! You promised you would be an Attachment Parent! I want to be carried in a sling, preferably a sling made from fabric woven by indigenous South American peoples and I want it NOW!! – I had to carry him most of the way. I would have aborted the mission and just gone home, but the other one was clearly enjoying himself, cooing and flapping his hands around, and them he fell asleep. If I have learned anything from this whole Mother of Twins experience (apart from – note to self - DO NOT GET PREGNANT AGAIN – EVER) I have learned – do not wake up a sleeping baby.

I sat in the garage on a plastic lawn chair and nursed the crying one while the other one slept, feeling crabby and resentful.. It’s not fair to a little baby I know, it’s not his fault I’m hot and tired and hungry. He is just feeling hot and tired and hungry, and he has the right to tell me so.

So, I nursed grouchy baby boots until his brother woke up and them we moved on to the next order of business – the elevensies. (British English for an eleven o’clock snack.) Needless to mention, the little one, because he was already feeling tetchy, and had become contented nursing in the garage, became enraged that I DARE put him in a high chair to feed. Therefore, we had scream session, Part Two, until I started shoveling food into his gaping mouth (peaches, banana, rice cereal and breast milk, all pureed together and strained by yours truly - for a better dining experience for my little munchkins. After all, nothing says “I Care” like homemade baby food. Well, according to my copy of Dr. Spock’s Common Sense Baby Care, the 1953 edition, the implication is that nothing says “I Care” like a clothes-line full of clean diapers. The next generation’s mothering ideal will probably be nothing says “I Care” like a macrobiotic diet for the entire family, or only organic hemp clothing for the wee one...God, I hope not for my grandbabies’ sakes. I’d never be able to visit.)

Grouchy baby boots was very hungry, so the elevensies settled him down and his brother was happy to feed as well. Then the food ran out and I took ‘em upstairs to nurse.

Oh, boy, did the hollering start afresh – “Wahh! I was eating over here! I want more fruit smush! Mean Mama! Mean Mama!” At this point, it was about 1-ish, we were all getting really tired, so I sat down to nurse them and – Sweet Lord Almighty - they went right to sleep. And not only did they fall asleep at 1:00 and 1:15, they fell asleep so hard they let me slide them off my lap onto the bed. But wait, there’s more! As an extra bonus, they were far apart enough for me to lie down between them and – gasp! Miracles do happen! – I got to take a 30-minute nap too.

I am still a little shaky and unnerved by the experience.

I woke up when one of the scrumptious munchkins whiffled (if you’re a mama you’ll know what I mean) and I was able to keep him asleep by nursing him a little, then when he was out again and his brother made a little wakey-uppy snuffle I was able to nurse him back to sleep – all in all we napped for 2 hours and a bit all together, with the cat snoring at the foot of the bed. We must have looked like a bunch of Jimmy Jones’ converts after the Kool-Aid was passed around.

Now I am able to take some time and blog in peace. Because they slept well during the day, they’ll sleep better tonight (why does that work? Why doesn’t a disco nap keep a baby up, like it does me? Why don’t people share that secret instead of giving you the baloney good-night tricks like – stuff them full of processed dehydrated reconstituted iron fortified rice cereal – they sleep good for you of you do! All lies...)

Today was so typical, me exhausted by 8 AM, but the end of the day was so nice! We had a good dinner together and they went to sleep gently and sweetly, like they were somebody else’s babies.

That said – by a good dinner, and gently and sweetly I mean - one baby was sitting with my sister in law and the other was on the floor with my DH while I gobbled down some Annie’s Mac ‘n Cheese then I ran upstairs to brush my teeth while the DH shoveled in his dinner and the SIL watched them both, then I nursed the first baby while my SIL changed the other and the DH helped (we are at the rolling-over-fighting-you-no-I-won’t-lie-down-to-have-my-diaper-changed phase with the older twin). When the first one was asleep, I took the diaper-fighter baby to bed and nursed him to sleep, but the first baby woke up – oops, I guess I didn’t keep him plugged in long enough - and started hollering. (My SIL always says – “I’ll let you go” as a preface to goodbye. Tonight when she trotted out the phrase I said – “You don’t mean you’re letting me go – you really mean, you’re getting the hell out of Dodge, don’t you?”) My DH walked the half-asleep, crying baby up and down the street for about 10 minutes while I settled the second one, then, when he brought the first baby back to me, the one I was nursing was totally asleep so we could settle them both for the night and I sneaked away to the computer at about 9:00. It’s about 9:30 now and so far I have gone back to nurse one baby once. That’s what I mean by a good, peaceful evening.

Why? What do you mean by peaceful?

Two Dwarf Day – Part Two

Well, I shouldn’t have actually committed the bragging about a good night to words. For, as I was typing away, baby A woke up again and after I went back to nurse each baby twice, I gave up on the blog and went to bed myself at 10ish. Then they proceeded to wake up four times each – or maybe five – it’s a blur all night long. At least I didn’t need an alarm to get up at 4:45 to go for a 5 AM run with my SIL. I was already awake.

Know if you’re reading this that my wife puts her heart and more into these little men every single day. I wish I could stay home and help her do this unbelievable task of raising two infants – but life is not so easy. I must leave her and the babies every day (the three most precious people in my life) and work. I always say I wish I could give her more...and I still do.