A few changes, et un petit peu de la meme chose

Plus ca change, plus ca la meme chose.



The more things change, the more they are the same.



I'd assign the quote, but I fergit who said it.



The Celexa is working out really well, and is very, very effective. I know this for sure, because I forgot to take it the other night. I took my tab immediately upon rising, but it did take a few hours to hit me. In that time, I shrieked at the boys and felt as cross as two sticks until 12 noon.



Now, it is difficult, of course, to know whether I felt grouchy because I knew I had not taken the meds, or because there was no ciltalopram in my bloodstream. The power of the placebo is not to be underrated. I kind of think it was both, but mostly the lack of drugs made me feel different. I am so very, very sensitive to it all.

The first three weeks I was on the Celexa a literally felt a buzz on top of my head. It was like I had a small flannel soaked in warm seltzer water resting on my skull. Warm, tingly, and a teensy bit if pressure. That faded after a week or so, but after that, for almost a month, any time I was in a stressful situation I felt the return of the tingle.

It was as if I had a little chemical/robotic friend telling me, (read in a robot voice) "Halt! Halt! Do not stress! We are here to keep you calm! Nerr!! Nerr!!" I am a bit sorry that tingle is gone. It was pretty cool.

I've always been this way - sensitive to drugs. I avoid Ben-Gay, I'd rather use arnica if I get a bruise. I drink a big glass of water if I get a headache, one aspirin is usually too much. Ask my friends - two glasses of wine and I'm giggly, and half a tab of acid was always plenty.... Ha! Ha! I never dropped acid. Just micro-dots. Just once. And I didn't inhale.

My Dr.-Tell-Me-About-It has wondered if I feel calmer because I am away from the store, which caused me a lot of stress, or if it's the drugs. We agree that it's impossible to know which egg came before which chicken, because this all happened at the same time. I still have a bookkeeping tangle or two to unravel. In fact, the books have become a Gordian knot. I'm hoping my DH will be the Alexander and chop his way through it all. I should have hired a damn bookkeeper. Well, it's one more lesson learned.

I heard about a businessman who made a very costly error. His business had to fork over about 10 million dollars to make it right. A week later he went to the Board of Directors to hand in his resignation. The Chairman refused to accept it, saying, "Why would we get rid of you? We just invested 10 million dollars on your education."

I'm in the same sort of situation. I made a frost of the bookkeeping, and I had to pay a "fine". Hmmph.

This is very true: unless we make mistakes, we do not learn. This isn't to say, "Oh, made some errors, oh, well, I was inexperienced, so it's all okay. Whatever." No, it's more like, "Golly, I made some stupid mistakes, I need to really pay attention to what now know and learn from it. "

For example, now I know that when I start up my next venture, I will have a bookkeeper on hand, and only use a CPA for the taxes. I also know I will only start a business again once my children are in school full time. You know, like when they go away to college.

So, here I am still making mistakes, still trying to keep on keeping on, still doing my playgroups and still running and running around and still at home with the boys. Plus ca la meme chose.

The plus ca change is feeling better about myself and my life choices. Another change is my patience renewal. Another is my ability to sleep better and yet another is my relationship with my mother. It's better than it was; not yet great, but not terrible anymore.

But that story is another post. Right now, they boys and I are off to the pool for a bit if splishy splashy fun. I know, life is tough..

NOT!

Thank God.