A Recommended Reading List for all New, Old, or About-to-be mamas

I called all my pregnant friends once, when I was in my black days of February, when the boys were four-months old, and told them the truth. (Yes, I had four pregnant friends at the same time; just as I had become a new Mama.)

The TRUTH at the time, for me, was that being a mother just sucks. You have no time, peace, or personal space; no time to think for yourself, eat for yourself or take care of yourself. The first few months, especially with twins, is just one huge give-give-giving of you to them, (no, they don't want their Daddy) and you somehow feel that you don’t have a right to demand that space for your own person to breathe. So, I called around, trying to shed some light on the hazy future for these wonderful ladies.

One woman said, “But I don’t think I’ll have a problem, my husband is very understanding.” My dear husband is extremely understanding and helpful too, but babies are not understanding, or helpful, at all. Another said, “Well, my situation is different from yours; I have my Mom right next door and his Mom in the next town.” Well, so do I, as a matter of fact. But they don't live in the same house; who will hold the baby while you go to the bathroom? Another just asked me if *I* was okay, which I appreciated, but she didn’t seem to heed the warning.

Now that I am at the one-year mama mark, I can say, in all frankness, that the first year of motherhood was the worst and the longest year of my existence, current and past lives included. The highs were pretty high up there and the lows were abysmal. Holly Golightly has no idea how mean a Mean Red can really be. Please do yourself a favor, especially those of you who are at the I’m-due-in-a-few-months-and-I’m-not-prepared stage or at the this-baby-is-already-seven-months-old-oh-God-why-did-I-ever-do-this stage, and check out my recommended reading list for all new, old, or about to be mamas:

Mothershock, by Andrea Buchanan
The Price of Motherhood, by Ann Crittenden
The Mask of Motherhood, by Susan Maushart
The Mommy Myth, by Susan Douglas
The way we never were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap, by Stephanie Coontz
Money, Milk and Madness, by Naomi Baumslag
And for fun:
The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting, by Christie Mellor

When you are asked by those well-meaning people who will ask – “What can I get you for the baby?” reply – “You can give ME your TIME. And the baby could use a snowsuit, as well.” Get a daily planner and coax/persuade/beg/pay people to make appointments to be with you and the baby. Don’t just fill in the days immediately after the birth. Most people want to come and see a new, teeny, sleeping beastie. No, fill in the days when you want adult companionship when the baby is six months old and it’s snowing and you can’t get out of the house. Or in July, when it’s hot and your husband/partner is working, and you are alone and want assistance in getting the eight month-old (who is crawling everywhere) to Ikea, or the museum, for a fun day, but you would like to have fun too. Another pair of hands goes a long way to ensuring that. The future block of time is the best baby gift anyone can give.

My mother,(you know, the therapist?) has come through with flying colors recently, and has helped me regain some sanity. She gives me a babysitter four evenings a week so I can go running. I am up to almost four miles a run, and I also run one weekend day, if the social calendar allows. I’ll be back in my size 12 jeans in no time….