Just when you think you have it all worked out...

My Dear Husband has received a job offer in a galaxy far, far away, and he is flying out for an interview next week. From what I have heard about this place/state/city, it is fun, hip, affordable and surrounded by beautiful mountains and about an hour from the ocean. However, this location is also a seven-hour flight away from my immediate family, his friends of many years and my newfound, wonderful playgroups.

So, just when you think you have it all worked out, and finally have some semblance of a social life, the Universe tosses the proverbial monkey wrench into the allegorical cogs of your little existence and makes you think: What Is Important Here?

Ever since the Great Bad Mother Debacle, and the ensuing emotional tsunami, I have tried my best to be a better mother; not whining so much, complaining too much and mouthing off at will. I have also not hung out with the people involved in the Debacle, which is too bad; they were the only friends I had within a 90-minute drive. But that is my own fault, and there is no one but me to blame. However, I have not been forced to a life of solitude – thanks to a fondness for Char-Bucks’ coffee and meeting the lovely Corgi Friend, I now have a playgroup to attend once a week. Thanks to that playgroup I have met some really cool people, who I am delighted to call my friends, and one of whom inspired me to cut off all my hair, a decision with which I am happy on a daily basis. Through her have another playgroup on another weekday, all of which means I finally have something of a regular get-out-of-the-house thing going on, which is all I wanted in the first place! You know, something to do, somewhere to go and someone to see. The great thing about hanging out with these parents at these playgroups is that all the members are somewhat new in the area, which is the reason for the group’s existence - to give new members of the community something to do, somewhere to go and someone to see. There is no one in these groups, (except me, actually!) who has a lot of family close by, and no one else has been in the state for an extended period of time. I like that about the group; everyone has a different experience and we are able to see each other from different viewpoints. There’s no truer saying than that tired old one: travel broadens the mind. I feel good about the friends I have made since August, and I look forward to getting to know some of these people better over the coming years.

At least, I had, until the DH came home with the news about the potential job on the other side of the country.

Now, my Darling Husband has lived in this state, actually this same town, since he was a few days old. He was born in a hospital one town over, for the sole reason that our town does not have its own hospital. Then he has lived in only three different homes, all in this same town. He runs into people with whom he was in grade school on a regular basis and he knows more ways to get from here to there than anyone I have ever met. However, he does feel a bit claustrophobic at times, and who could blame him? Since the scary twins were born, and even a bit before that, he had not had a lot of visitors or social events or hang out with the guys nights. I go out more than he does, but that’s because I have the twin mom club, and the monthly dinner, where I force other mothers to get out of the house and have expensive dinners with me in our little city next door. I am quite happy here, in the first house I have ever really owned and the first garden I have ever planted with the idea that I will get to see it for the next several years to come. I like to travel, and have enjoyed my meanderings, but I had thought this was going to be a settle down house for my little family and me and kind of had my head wrapped around that idea. I like the thought of actually being part of a community and living in one place for a while.

Then again, I have to think of the Devoted Husband. If he gets a new job, with more responsibility, and where he’s all-important and learning new things and doing cool stuff, he definitely will be happier. He likes his job now, but he is somewhat isolated, as the only person in the company who does what he does and has projects and assignments where he is completely on his own. This new position promises to be part of a larger team, where he will have more direct co-workers and will be higher up as well. AND the area in which we would live is a skiers'/mountain bikers'/runners’ paradise; trails, hills and ski resorts abound. That part does sound pretty great.

But what about my new friends, new garden and new house? What my twins being so close to New Jersey and my sister and BIL and their cousins? What about all my plans to put on an addition, to build a deck, to install a hot tub and to do this that and the other? But then again, we could just buy a house with a deck, a hot tub and a fireplace already installed.

See, I am of two minds about all this. I have a few really good friends with whom I have kept in touch, and I also I manage to visit every few years. Some are in Atlanta, another is in Nashville, and the rest are in Europe – in Sweden and in England. So, vast distances don’t bother me or hinder me from having buddies: no has distance ever really been a factor with my family and me. At one point, I was living in London, England; my sister was in Florence, Italy and my brother was in Kyoto, Japan. Then, a few years later, we were all on the west side of Manhattan, within 50 blocks of each other. My life had always been somewhat transient and unpredictable. But the DH is different. His friends thinks the next state over is far away, and it’s a big deal for them to drive two hours to see someone. Not that there is anything wrong with that at all, no, I think it’s great. The point is – if we were a seven hour flight away, would that mean my twins would not get to know any of my Dear Husband’s friends? My parents and siblings travel, always have, always will, so I am not worried about them, but would my DH be lost to his friends? And, odd as it seems, I am not sure it would it upset him. They never come to visit him now, nor do they even call, and he is no more than an hour and a half drive from the furthest buddy. Perhaps if he were to up and move, they would miss him and realize they want to see him. But would they make the trip? Or would these people be like Harry Chapin's Cats in the Cradle, and be so busy making plans and running around that they miss the babies' growing up? Since this is still all speculation, who knows? And if I'm right and he is lost to those he knew, will it matter? Do we want to find out?