You think I'm too harsh? Who, me?

Ok, so I wrote a thing for the official Mother of Twins on line news magazine because the editor asked me to. She reads my blog and likes what she reads and thought a special article by yours truly, The MOT, would be fun and educational. I got to work, wrote a little thing about how my MIL is always there for me and how my own M is a shot in the dark as far as availability and helpfulness is concerned, and guess what? The editor who approached me liked it, and said she could relate, but her fellow people-in-charge did not.

Well, they liked the writing and the idea, but thought the tone was a bit harsh for their audience. The editor asked me to rework the piece to make it less negative. I am ever one to please, so I watered it down and sent it back, but golly gee willikers! A little story about how my mother’s emotional detachment can be depressing is too harsh for the audience? An audience consisting of over-tired, over-wrought and over-worked mothers of twins? The tone was too negative for my fellow twin mothers, the people who can best relate to how I feel? You know, alone and exhausted and upset that your own mother can’t come over and help out when you need her? If the truth is too “harsh” what would be appropriate? A lighthearted piece full of alliteration and exclamation points on how making a To-do List can help a busy mom make Less of a To-do over what she needs to accomplish in a day? Or a little story about the joy I feel in the twin twinkles in my twins’ eyes? Here’s a header for you: Ten Top Twin Tips: A Manic Mom shares her secrets to Minimizing Mayhem! Or how’s this: It’s Pedicure Time! Treat your tired Toes to this Trio of Treats!

Ok Ok, I know the on-line news magazine is not that silly. I have read some good stuff there; the Notebook is not of the same ilk as Parenting Magazine or American Baby, or any of those other ridiculous, myth-perpetuating perky publications. (Ooh! Alliteration!) I have read a few pieces in the Notebook, which is written and produced as part of the National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs, the nationwide support group for parents of twins and higher order multiples. Yes, there is a support group out there for MOTs, and since the universe recognizes we need support, why is the truth too much to hear? Isn’t a story on how mothers of singletons just don’t seem to get it a reminder of why MOTs need a support group of their own? Isn’t an article addressing how hurtful hands-off family members can be actually addressing some of the reasons the National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs exists?

This reminds me of a story I told in a previous post, about the "president" of my local/former Mothers of Twins Club. I told this woman I didn’t want to be part of that particular club anymore because I did not feel I was getting any support from the group. I also needed to free up the evening to pursue other, more nourishing activities. She was pretty mad about that, I guess she has driven other mothers away, not just me, and started asking me about the kind of support I needed and what support I was getting at home and if my DH was supportive, etc. Well, y'all know from this blog that my DH is like a La Perla brassiere; attractive, supportive and plain old fun to have around. But, she doesn’t know that, because she doesn’t know me. She kept asking, and she was being pushy about it, so I said, "Well, I never felt like anyone in the club would have come by and give me a hand on those days when I wated to drink a gallon of bleach and explode into tiny pieces." Or something like that.

Well. She interpreted that as a suicide threat and called her friend the SOCIAL WORKER and she called my DH at WORK and got herself all in a lather. Anyone who knows me knows how I speak and knows that I like to/tend to make wild remarks. (I mean, who really explodes into tiny pieces? I mean, really!) Anyone who knows me at all, knows that’s just the way I am. She totally proved my point that even after 16 MONTHS of seeing me two or three times a month, she still has NO CLUE who I am and what I am all about! The thing she said that really got my blood boiling - ooh! Get the extinguisher! Her blood is on fire! - she said, " If you are going to cry “Wolf”, you have to expect someone to take you seriously." Hello?! Cry “Wolf”? I was NOT crying wolf or coyote or prairie dog or any other animal of the sort! I was telling her I have had days when I was going nuts and I would rather hang out with intelligent people who can sympathize than go to a meeting run by someone like her, who obviously thinks it’s best NOT to say what you think/feel/need and want. Heavens above, that “president” is the type of person who perpetuates the poisonous parenting myth. (I was going to put poisonous parenting problem, to keep up the alliteration thing, but it didn’t make much sense. Oh well.) Yes, that “president”, by putting me under pressure to press my problems into the pavement (Heyyyy, nice use of the letter P, MOT…Thanks, Alter Ego.) would just make it worse. If I thought telling some one about my troubles would mean a social worker would descend upon my family, I wouldn’t say anything. Now isn’t the first rule of a support group, especially a recognized nationwide support group, to provide…um…SUPPORT? Doesn’t that mean listening and being there and trying to help people help themselves? Or is a support group there just so a mother of NINE YEAR OLD twins can tell a mother of 18 month old twins that when they say, gee, I feel like I am going nuts over here, that they are crying "Wolf"? Stupid cow; I hope I never see her again; I might not be able to suppress my desire to tell her just how mad I was that day.

I have received a few comments on the blog from the editor of the Notebook who approached me for the article, and I can tell she belongs to “my club” of MOTs – the types who say it like it is and can hear it too. I hope my thing gets put in the Notebook, those of us who aren’t afraid of vocalizing our hopes and fears and failures and triumphs and setbacks and breakthroughs need to be heard! I know my fellow MOTs and, for that matter, MOSs (Mothers of Singletons) and MO3U3s (Mothers of Three under Three) MO4U4 (Mothers of Four under Four) and MORSBCB (Mothers of Really Sweet but Colicky Babies) and on and on can relate to my nutty situation and me. Mothering is a trip – the better we get at our children’s' needs and wants, the smarter they get right back at us. It’s enough to make ya crazy – oops! I really didn’t mean that! Don’t call the Social Worker on me! Under my negative exterior, I really am a happy person.

Dear Notebook editor – I hope you know what I mean by this post. I would be thrilled to be in your publication, and I do understand I can’t just burst in there, guns blazing. But on my blog…I fire away!