The Sense of Spring

Yesterday, as the babies and I were frolicking about in our Music Together class, I suddenly felt a surge of light. I almost became teary; it was a clear, acute sensation. It was happiness.

I was holding one baby; the music teacher was holding the other baby, and we were dancing to this Canadian sailor’s song, Lukey’s Boat. Both Baby A and B love this song, and we play it 5 times in a row in the car. Baby A was laughing and clapping, and Baby B had the biggest smile on his chops imaginable. We were all singing away and I felt so light and bright, like I had a cloud in my chest.

I have had the same kind of sensation in the past, at other purely simple and happy times. It has been when I was doing something fun and interesting or when I was getting ready to go somewhere and I knew it would be great. At these times I get the feeling of looking down upon myself, but not in a removed sort of way. I am definitely still part of the scene, and can feel and see and smell and taste with an extra sensitive touch.

Perhaps it is the sunshine, or the scent of warmth and new shoots. Perhaps it is the therapy or the flower essences. Perhaps it’s the fact of Spring and the pollen; it’s making the DH sneeze, it could be affecting me too, but mentally.

The happy cloud blew away and I was back to my regular programming. I got the dinner organized, got the apple and strawberry tart together for the playgroup the next day, and did some laundry. By 8:30 I was ready for bed, but the boys were resistant. Baby B threw his fire engine down the stairs and nicked our new paint, and Baby A ran around yelling until about 9:30. But, eh, s’alright. B didn’t mean any harm and we can paint again. A was just over-excited about being alive, and he eventually put a sock in it.

So, I felt a bit crabby by late evening, s’alright. I’d be inhuman if a pair of whiny 2 and a half year olds doing a I-don’t-wanna-go-to-bed shtick after a 16 hour day didn’t make me feel a bit grouchy. I feel perfectly content, even if my fine, white cloud has dispersed. Now that I have been reminded of the feeling, I am sure it will come back.

It could be Monday's visit to the endocrinologist. My TSH was 2.74 in November of 2005 and in now, in March of 2006 it is 2.95. She increased my Synthroid by one extra 88 mcg pill every six days. I took the upped dosage that day, and it might be affecting me already. I am a sensitive blossom...

Only two days ago I spoke about this happy cloud and light sensation. I was just telling someone about a happy time in my life a few days ago, and how I used to feel as if I had a light bright cloud inside me that illuminated my life. A light that shone upon the best path for me to take and kept me from stumbling. How odd that I should feel it again so soon after verbalizing how much I missed that light!

White cloudy days are here again.

Well, y'all know I don't sunbathe!