A day on my own and Zyrtek-D.

Well, it was really a day with 16 strangers and Brad Pitt. Well, I tried to spend time with Brad Pitt, but someone was offended by him, go figure, and I was made to switch to Sabrina. The remake. Ick.

In case you are wondering what in the name of all that is holy and I am rabbiting on about – here are the facts. I signed up for a product testing thing to make a little cash, for spinning classes, for mascara, for iced coffees, you know; fun money. One of the places I signed up with had a six-hour test for a moisturizer that paid $100 for 6 hours. The test was described thusly; wear our test moisturizer on your arms for 6 hours, and every 90 minutes we will check the PH and the hydration of your skin. You can watch a movie, read a book, do whatever, but you need to stay in the climate controlled test area.

“Okay!” I said, “I’m in.” So I packed a bag with Guy Ritchie’s film Snatch, which I think is too amusing, and my laptop, so I could work on a few things before watching a movie. When I got there, it took about an hour to get all 16 testers washed and greased up, into the room and settled down. It only took another hour for everyone lose their shyness and start bitching about the fact that the promised VCR and TV for our viewing pleasure was nowhere in evidence. I was not surprised by the lack of TV, nor the horrible “breakfast” provided (cheese Danish and Tang). Nor was I surprised by the obesity inducing lunch – pizza and root beer. Good thing I had the presence of mind to bring a sandwich and some raisins.

Anyway, once I had done what I wanted to do on the computer, I packed it up and went out to where the girlies in charge of the test were sitting, chatting and drinking coffee. I asked about the TV, and told them that I overheard several of the test subjects talking about how they had been promised a TV and VCR. They made abashed noises and scurried off to get them. I came back in the room and my, was I the heroine or what! The TV was greeted with cries of delight, and one of the girlies in charge said, “We didn’t know you wanted a TV! You should have spoken up sooner!” Since I had taken over as ringleader, I handed over the tape of Snatch and the film began. The test ladies immediately around me seemed interested and one exclaimed, “Hey! I saw this in the movie theater years ago! This is a good movie.” And we settle down to watch.

I haven’t seen it in a while, what with having toddlers and all, and I had actually forgotten how many times the characters say f**k, f**king, f**ker, f**kers, w*nkers, b*llocks, c**t, d*ck, s**t, GD, bl**dy hell, and so on. Really, every other word of dialogue was cursing. The film is hilarious and clever and well filmed and the music is great, but the fact that the story involves a jewel heist, murder and an unlicensed boxing ring run by a feller called Brick Top who graphically feeds his victims to his pigs to hide the bodies, meant that it was a touch offensive to some.

When the manager came in to stop the film, one of the characters was speaking the immortal lines, “A boxing match? Is there gambling involved? You're talking about Frankie -I've got a problem with gambling- F**king Four Fingers? You have any idea why they call him Frankie Four Fingers, Doug? Well, because he makes stupid bets with dangerous people. And when he doesn't pay, they give him the chop! And I'm not talking about his f**king foreskin either, Doug!”

I guess I really didn’t take the target audience into close consideration. Hey, I did pass around the VCR sleeve with all the reviewer’s tripe and a synopsis of the movie on it before I pressed play, but some one found the saga of Brad Pitt as a half-naked itinerant bare-knuckled boxing champion and Frankie Four Fingers a bit much. So, we wound up watching Sabrina, with Harrison Ford. Which wasn’t nearly as amusing.

Six hours later, I was free to go. I had my last PH and moisture level check, collected my bags and contentious VCR tape, and skedaddled. I got home to find the DH looking like a wet dishcloth and the boys absolutely delighted to see me. They literally pounced, and commenced to nursing. Which was fine by me, I was working on being a D cup by then.

The DH had had a full day planned. The plan was to go over to Preacher Mom’s house in the morning to cut down some shrubs and get the boys to play with her two little ones. I had suggested lunch together, then a nice half hour car ride, so they would sleep and give him some down time. I was going to be home by 3:00, so I could take over for a few hours before spinning. When I got home, naturally I asked how they were, and how the day had been. The shrub chopping was a success, the lunch eating was a bit of a frost and the napping, apart from 45 minutes for Baby B and 60 minutes for Baby A, really didn’t happen. I expressed my sympathy and asked how he felt. He said, “Oh, fine..”

When I came back from the gym at 7:00, judging by the low level of tolerance, zero patience, and general teeth gritting and you-need-to-go-to-bed-babies! he was showing, I could tell “fine” wasn’t all that accurate a description of how he was doing. I know what really what happened. The boys sucked the energy right outta the DH, like they do to me everyday, and he was a bit stunned by the mind-melting results.

Once the boys were asleep and we had a chance to chat, I said, “I am so tired today! In the test room I was yawning, and I still have a headache and feel really listless. I am glad I went to spin class tonight, but I still feel odd. And my nose is running!.” The DH thought it might have been the six hours in a hermetically sealed room with 16 exhaling strangers, but I discovered the truth this morning.

Each morning whoever is out of bed first leaves the vitamins and allergy pills and thyroid medication on the counter for the next person. I take a multi-vitamin; a vitamin C if I’m feeling run down, my Synthroid and a flax seed pill. The DH takes a multi, a Zyrtek-D allergy pill and either cod liver oil or flax seed, whichever is put there for him. Yesterday I took my pills and felt tired. This morning, after I took the pills, I was putting the tablets the DH forgot to take away. That’s when I noticed his allergy pill bottle. It was full of little white tablets, flat white tablets that look like vitamin C tablets. And there were no vitamin C tablets anywhere; not even an empty bottle. Yep, I took his Zyrtek–D, two days in a row. (D for decongestant! That explains the running nose.) I read the bottle; side effects are headache, drowsiness and a general feeling of being stupid.

Those side effects are really on the money. I wonder, has he’s been slipping me an allergy pill every day for the past two years?