Sometimes even the best of intentions get you messed up.

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."--Ralph Waldo Emerson. May I paraphrase that into - Irritating inconsistencies are the troll-goblins of my parents' minds?

As you may know, those of you who are long time readers, my parents have this thing about not being disturbed. Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays are all very important days that must be kept scared and sacrosanct. You know those garden rocks you can buy from those horrible Lillian Vernon catalogs? There are one that read Welcome Friends, and others read Garden of Peace, or some such tripe. I want to get one for my parents that reads Go Away.

They usually leave parties and other social gatherings after about two hours; it seems to be their limit for interaction with others. I am not sure how they manage to keep going for the full day at the office. They might take the occasional fifteen-minute time-out for the sake of comfort. I also feel they like to leave my parties early so they don’t have to help clean up, but that may actually be secondary to the two-hour time limit thing.

Anyway, I have been hearing this Do Not Disturb thing for quite some time now, and especially since the babies exploded upon us. Last year, when I was completely shattered, my mother was coming to see me, from 10:00 until 12:30, but that’s better than never, three Tuesdays out of the month. I was going up to see them every other Thursday, from 10 is until 2 ish, but I think that got a bit much for the folks. There was one memorable day that put the kebosh on this weekly jaunt. About three months ago, my dear Dad had a bit too much wine at lunch. I had asked him to help me with the boys’ lunch. His job was to pick up what they tossed on the floor and to keep them distracted so I could shovel their applesauce and Annie’s Mac and Cheese into their gullets more efficiently. His idea of helping, in his tipsy state, was to watch them toss everything on the floor and when they clamored to have it back on the table, they were 17 months old at this time, he told them, “Life is rough. You need to learn you can’t get everything you want.” Of course, they said, “Ahhhh. Ah Ah Ah!” right back. I pointed out that they were in a relatively unfamiliar place, they were past due for feeding, so they were a bit tender and that I really needed his assistance.

Then the dear old man started going on about the necessity of learning life is rough and hardship is a good thing. Then he said I am too rough and how I have been been really angry lately. Wait, Father Dear, how did we get from lunchtime to me being angry? Actually, since you aren't helping and the dining room is a mess and Mumsie is sick and can't help us tidy up and the boys are screaming and I still have two babies to feed, and now I also have a kitchen and dining room to clean up and a tipsy granddad who is not lifting a finger, I really have the right to be annoyed right now! I got the boys organized, cleaned the house and left soon after.

Be that as it may, that was then and this just happed yesterday. A brief time line: the past three weekends have been rather busy. Three weekends ago we had a party in New Jersey for my sister, who just completed her PhD and walked at her graduation ceremony. I agreed with her that the parents kind of had to be there. The weekend after was my fabulous birthday; since I am now 36 and all and so mature, didn’t make a bit of a fuss when they skated out without helping clean up; besides, I’m used to it by now. I had heard, several times, how they were exhausted at that point, what with two Sundays in a row gobbled up by social events.

Then, just this past Sunday, they went to New Jersey again to see my lovely little niece, who is very pretty and very sweet and very five, perform in her ballet recital. I was not able to go; my babies don’t do very well at sitting still for 45 minutes, unfortunately, but I am sure she will perform her dance for me in private at a later date. My parents did go, as part of their grandparenty duties, so this meant three Sundays in a row without their essential total avoidance of all other humans.

Now this Sunday is going to be Father’s Day, and I had asked if they would like to have the babies and me up to their house for lunch or something. I was told, by my mother, that they had been invited out for lunch, and would not be able to see me, even though they would like to. Oh well.

As a result of hearing how exhausted they are for the past three weeks, I thought, and stop me if this sounds nutty, that they were kind of exhausted and wanted to be left in peace and might not welcome me and two toddlers dropping by unannounced. OK, OK, I know – where did I get that idea?! The upshot was, on Thursday, one of their sacrosanct days off, I sneaked by to drop off my father’s Fathers Day gift. I drove up the driveway, parked carefully, opened the door really quietly, wrote them a note and put the note and the package on the dining room table. I could see my mother through the window from the dining room into the kitchen and could hear my father yelling a conversation with her. She claims not be deaf, but she didn’t hear me and the old man was a’talkin’ mighty loud...

Then I left. A few minutes later my cell phone rang, and it was the parents.

Me: Hellllooo!

Daddy: When did you drop by? Why didn’t you come in? That was so silly! Where are you? Come back and stay for lunch!

Me: You guys said you wanted to be left in peace and have had too much socialization in the past little while, so I thought that meant you wanted to be left in peace and have had too much socialization in the past little while.

Mother: No! Not at all! You should have stopped in and said hello! Just stopping without saying hello is very foolish.

Hmmm. I can remember several occasions when I had arranged to have my parents or my mother meet me at my house for various reasons. Invariably they would either stop by for somewhere between four and seven minutes, or, and this has happened more than half a dozen times, they just LEFT A NOTE and had not stayed or come in at all.

Me: Well, parents dear, I have been doing some thinking about our relationship lately, and have rediscovered that you don’t treat me as I would ideally be treated, but neither do I treat you as you say you would like to be treated. I am going to be better. I really thought you’d rather not be disturbed! But please remember that I love it when people come by, so next time maybe you guys could come in for longer than a minute?

Parents: uuuggghhh hmmmmm ahhhhh, oh well, we are so busy and just exhausted…you really should have come in, and we aren’t free on Sunday, don’t forget! We want to just be alone. We are exhausted.

Me: I know, and I am not planning on coming by, that’s why I dropped off his gift today, you see? Do you get it? But I thought you were invited out somewhere on Sunday?

Daddy: Oh, no! We just don't want to be disturbed!

Parents: Anyway,you should have come in!

As my dear sister would say, since the completion of her PhD had made her more articulate that ever, What the F**k?