More on Outsourcing Parenting

Since I am a bit obsessive compulsive and re-read what I write about ten times, I was checking the last post on out sourcing parenting. I noticed I did not ask a crucial question: why are parents so afraid of making mistakes when it comes to school? And why, if a mistake is made, are we so terrified of the repercussions?

I understand the desire to do the best you can for your progeny, but who says a child will be permanently scarred, plunge into a life of crime and spend time in the Big House if his parents fail to get them into "the" school of choice? I cannot believe that the happiness of one's later life depends absolutely on which pre-school one attended. The country is full of parents who put their children on a waiting list for pre-school, not because of a lack of space, but because the pre-school itself is so fabulous, and leads to the right kindergarden, then the right elementary school, which is, of course, a critical part of the Junior High School experience... Please. Don't a child's brains count for anything? Is it really only location, location and location? Don't the social skills learned in a playgroup mean anything? Do parents think the life-lesson chops earned by learning how to get along with a sibling mean anything? I feel that if a parent listens to the child's dreams and hopes and fears, pays attention to who the child is becoming it will lead to an understanding of the child's personality. That is important in finding the right school for that child's needs. That seems more critical than the school itself; whether or not the school suits the child.

I can understand someone wanting their child to go to a great school, but I am not going to hire a coach to teach my child how to behave during a nursery school interview. If they have to falsify their personality for admission, they will then be forced to be a fake child while attending the school! Nor am I going to bribe an administrator in the admissions department, as I have heard is done. Nor am I willing to move into a new neighborhood, into a not so nice house, without the comforts I enjoy now, for the sole purpose of altering my demographics to boost the chance of little King Kong getting into the local kindergarten.

I read a book in which parents discussed their pre-schooler's future earning potential. Yikes. Dr. Spock, in his 1954 version of The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, writes, “Trust your instincts. You know more than you think.” The 2005 version should be retiled The Baby Book for the parent with what used to be common, but has become increasingly rare - sense.

I am fully aware that school is important, and I am also fully aware that parents make a big difference in their children’s scholastic experience. There are those parents who actually do all the homework themselves, and others who hire tutors to do it. I know some parents who check the homework and help out when needed and some parents who help, but try and get the child to think on their own. Of course, there are other parents who just trust the child to get done what needs to be done and leave it at that. I hope to be a combination of let the boys do their own work and let me help you, without being cripplingly overwhelming about the helping part.

Right now it’s easy for me to plan what kind of parent I will be to a school-aged child; I don’t have any! My toddlers are just learning the alphabet; Baby A can say A, B, B, B, E, E, E in tune, but that’s about it. I must needs wait and see what kind of children they will be before I can accurately describe how I will go about helping them with their homework. But I can tell y’all for sure, I won’t be hiring tutors to enhance my four year olds' future earning potential. I’d rather save the money for tuition.