The Poison Ivy Weaning Method

The boys are now in school. Literally, right now at this minute, they are howling the arms of their new teachers. We picked a Montessori school because it is only 12 minutes away from the house and has a very good reputation. The teachers are sweet, calm and tell me my boys are unusually intelligent, all of which I appreciate. They have been going for three weeks now, but we made a little mistake – we took a week's vacation and had them out of school for two days in their second week. As a result, they are howling again at good-bye time, just like the first week. Apparently, it takes about three weeks to get over the anxiety; so next week should be easier for everyone.

They are also in different classrooms, which I don’t think I’ll do again next year. It’s nice for them to get one on one time, but I have a feeling the separation from Mama and each other at the same time is making it harder. They are mighty happy to see each other when class gets out, let me tell you!

It’s actually difficult for me to leave them. I wouldn’t have thought so, I have been so sick and tired of being 24/7 with the boys, I thought I’d be more relieved than anything. But I guess I’m not such a heartless be-atch after all. I find myself lingering in the hall, listening to the howls and feeling just terrible.

However, I tear myself away, zoom home, vacuum, fold laundry and generally rush around. But not today. I forced myself to sit next door at the ubiquitous Char-Bux coffee shop and write a bit.

The real topic today: Weaning Twin Boys. I think I’ve done it, and there weren’t a lot of tears and there wasn’t a big fight either. What happened was this:

I noticed I was feeling all itchy under my tee shirt the second day of our vacation. Then I noticed a rash, on my ribs, my abdomen and on my boobs. Hmmm…how odd. Perhaps I’m having an allergic reaction to laundry soap? Or maybe I wore a shirt right from the package, forgetting to wash it before the first wearing? I had no idea. But then, overnight, on our second night away, I woke up SO ITCHY I felt like I was covered with ants. Dancing ants. Dancing ants wearing cleats. And woolen clothes. I scratched and scratched and wound up with red blotches all over. Great. Now I was itchy and in pain. But I had a brilliant idea! When the boys wanted to nurse next, I let them suckle for a few minutes, and then made all these ouch-ouch pain-pain noises. They got all concerned and I pointed out the red blotches.

“Mommy has an ouchy! Nursing has an owie! Nu-Nu has an owie,” I explained in uncharacteristic baby talk.
“Nu-Nu is owie? Nu-Nu has owies,” repeated Baby A and Baby B. Then when I said, "No more Nu-Nu", they hopped off the bed where we had been snuggling and went to play.

Amazing.

That night, when it was Nu-Nu time, I just said, “Nu-Nu has an owie. No nursing, because Nu-Nu has an owie. See?” I showed them the red blotches again, and they petted me very sympathetically and then settled to sleep without nursing.

It actually worked out. I didn’t nurse them from that Sunday afternoon for a whole week, then on Sunday night I felt a bit painful on one side. I called my nursing expert, My Sseester, the next day, and asked her advice. She said I might have a plugged duct from not nursing, and suggested I get a baby to nurse a little bit to relieve the pressure. I actually had done just that the night before, but it wasn't all that effective because I had coaxed Baby A to nurse in his sleep. He was really pretty much asleep, so he hadn’t sucked hard enough to relieve the pressure. I hadn’t wanted him to wake up, realize what was going on and think it was okay to nurse regularly again. So, last night I got Mister Vacuum Cleaner Baby B to nurse, and he was un-detachable for about 20 minutes. He sucked and snuggled and hugged me and was very happy. But he was still asleep; bless him, so he wasn’t fully aware. I eventually detached him and hey ho! He conked out again, all snoring and smiling. This morning, there is no pain, so soreness, nothing. Both boobs feel fine and look pretty good too, for which I am vastly relieved.

Neither boy seemed interested in nursing at all this morning, and both were pretty happy and peaceful. (That is, until we pulled into the parking lot at school.) I wonder if they thought the late night nursing sessions were a dream, and are happy because of it?

That would be nice. They could relax, knowing that they can nurse in their dreams, whenever they want to. It might make them happier to go to bed, and it might make them less upset with me for taking nursing away. I don’t really think they are mad at me for telling them no more nursing because I am in pain – they certainly understand getting an owie. They fall over and bump themselves all the time, which worked to my advantage in this case. The day after we stopped nursing, Baby B was running around outside, starkers as usual, and the poor thing fell down, scraping his naked bottom on the only rock in a ten-foot area.

“Yeeee-aaaaaahhhh,” he screamed. “Owie, owie owie!” Later I pointed to his bottom and said “Owie” and then pointed to my boob and said “Owie.” It was so sweet; he patted me gently and nodded understandingly.

It turns out the rash is some poisonous plant to which I had a delayed reaction. Three guesses as to how exactly I got poison plant juice all over my ribs, stomach and boobs? Baby A, Baby B and nursing outside? Ding ding! You got it…

So, nursing is over for another twin household. We exclusively breastfed for nearly six months before adding solid foods. They used to nurse for ten to sixteen hours at a stretch during the day and several times at night. No kidding, just ask my DH. We nursed about ten times a day and twice at night from six months to about 18 months, then several times a day and sometimes at night, until they were two. I had been trying to wean them from 20 months on, but it wasn’t until the rash provided an excuse was I successful. We stopped completely at two years and one week old. That’s not a bad run at all. I feel like I gave them the best I could for as long as I could, but I had to take the opportunity to wean when I had the chance. I don’t think they’ll be worse off for no longer nursing; perhaps they’ll even remember.

I look forward to snuggling with them without being invaded and I kind of look forward to wearing real underclothes again! It’s selfish I know, I am glad to get some personal space back. I was just touched out. Now let’s see if I lose those ten pounds as everyone says will happen. As long as I refrain from ordering that jumbo deep fried chocolate glazed hydrogenated doughnut with my coffee in the morning, right? I’ll go for the bran flakes instead. I’m 158 pounds as of today, I’ll check again in a few days and let y’all know.

Bye Bye Nu-Nu. It's been fun.