Crab-a-licious
Okay, it’s still summer, it’s still hot and I am still crabby. Add to that, I have been feeling flabby and tired too; I have not had a spin class in two weeks now. Part of it is owing to my own foot-shooting miserable-ness, (I was feeling too tired and grouchy to go to class two weeks ago, so I didn't make an effort) and then the instructor leaves me a message that she is taking a vacation, and would miss the following week! What! How dare she have a life of her own when I need her to be around every Monday and Wednesday for me and my piddily needs! I know – I’m nuts.
Most summers drag for me, but yikes, this year I have a REALLY adhesive case of Mean Reds. While I have managed to shake it a bit, I am feeling rather low still. My friend and fellow blogger, The Yellow Wallpaper, is also a bit glum, which, selfishly, is good for me. It's good to have another slightly off person around, and she does a great job of helping perk me up by example. Check out her latest post on the new mother. Hee hee ha ha!
She’s like me; grimly hating the summer, but still writing, still going out and still being a fun lady anyway. We both belong to the fake it ‘till you make it club. But, I have been wondering…
Should I continue to fake it, as long as the Reds have their hold on me, or should I concede defeat and go see some one? Or is it defeat if you see a therapist? Does it mean you can’t hack it on your own, can't sort it all out in your own mind, and that you are weak? Or does it mean you understand you have limits and have certain needs and that you just need a little support. You know, like a good husband or a good bra; smooth, flattering support that other people don’t necessarily notice. Then again, perhaps there is no need to be so dramatic. Perhaps I am not once again peeping into the abyss of insanity; it could very possibly be the hormones associated with that wretch, Aunt Flo, coming back into my life. In that case, the gentle weaning thing is really not working. I am back to nursing four times a night or more, the boys have decided that they want to nurse during the day again, and I am definitely ovulating, so the bonus of amenorrhea is gone. DEEP SIGH. I think I need a vacation from my life.
I am one of those annoying people who really do not like to be proved wrong. My mother said, way back in February, that she thought I needed to be drugged; I was being such a be-atch with the stress of the twins. After a few months reflection, I still think it’s my relationship with her that makes me so snippy to her, and not the babies, but you try explaining that to a professional therapist who is never wrong and who is also your mother…
I am not sure what to do about this emotional heave–ho and my summer-y crossness, and the weaning to-do. Maybe I will see a shrink, or maybe... I’ll just continue to self medicate. Gotta love that Toblerone.
posted by Mother of Twins & More @ 10:43 PM
2 Comments:
My sympathies. I have suffered from depression and anxiety at certain times in my life, including after my triplets were born. I found seeing a counsellor very helpful. It provided a "safe" place to talk about things that were really distressing for me, and made it possible to get through difficult days, knowing I would see him in only X more days and could talk about it. (I went once a week for several months.)
My counsellor did a type of therapy where you analyze a disturbing thought or belief, dispute it and try to replace it with a more positive statement. (I think that's rational emotive therapy? It's been several years and I've forgotten the jargon.)
It helped that my husband's work had an Employee Family Assistance Plan that paid for up to 6 sessions of counselling for family members. So I could give it a try and see if it was helpful.
I think there's no shame or guilt necessary in deciding to check yourself out. You can get a second opinion on whether you are having a temporary difficult phase which will get better with time, or a more long-lasting depression which might require medication, therapy or both. Either your family doctor or a counsellor can give you a screening set of questions to help identify depression or other issues like anxiety, stress, grief etc.
If you think you might need some help to feel better, and this has persisted for some time, it's worth following up just to be sure. As the saying goes, you've got to take care of yourself so you can take the best care of your little ones. Or "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
I enjoy your blog, and hope you will feel better soon, whatever you decide to do. With best wishes,
mom to 5 year old triplets,
SheilaC
Great comments...It's been tough this summer with the heat on high and the humidity higher. It's left me feeling on edge and not myself. At times, I too have resorted to the "fake it 'til you believe it" trick with limited success. Hang in there; I promise to be there this Friday, where we'll kick up our heels, sip some mojitos and talk about the old days when irresponsibility was a way of life.
Post a Comment
<< Home