Yep, they drive me crazy, but with a gym available, who cares?

It’s funny how life can improve when one really makes one’s priorities clear to oneself. Like many, many of you, I compose in Word, so I can save as I write. (Blogger doesn't save very efficiently.) In MS Word, I had this loooong post all ready to go about my Day from Hell, with a description of how the boys flushed a sock down the toilet and attacked the cat and bit each other and put Play Doh in the cell phone charger (!!) and a blow by blow account of the twenty minute battle over the vacuum cleaner attachment. I decided against posting it.

Y’all know I spent a rough weekend without the DH, and y'all can imagine how difficult it was, but it’s over now. Y’all also know that I have joined a gym, and here's a bit of fresh intelligence: my mother gave me 12 sessions with a personal trainer as an early Christmas present. Yay!! Lately, I have really been utilizing “all that free time” for purely myself; going to the gym, grocery shopping and visiting friends. This means that I am in a much better mood from the endorphins and from the feeling that yes, I really do have a bit of my own thing going on. However, my writing and therefore you, my gentle readers, are suffering as a result. I am more able to deal with the terrible two thing if I have had a good work-out.

This may be worth some screen time: Do any of you have the same experience with two babies who sleep in alternate shifts? It’s pretty irritating at times, but it does mean I get to concentrate on one baby at a time. Why do they do this? I find the suggestion, "Just get them to sleep at the same time" pretty useless. If I could, I would, but I can’t, so leave it. They have their own agenda, perhaps they feel they have to stay up to keep an eye on me?

In the post about That Friday, I had written how Baby B pushed one toddler into a trash can and scratched another one, and after Baby A had a fit because I wouldn’t let him steal a toy giraffe from a 3 month old. (At the time I realized I was trying to make them stay in a social situation they were not ready to experience at the time. In retrospect I see what I must do is respect and understand their needs, yes, but I must also respect my own. hence, the gym membership.) Even though the playgroup started at 9:30, and we were there at 9:25, we left at 9:40. I got them into their coats and out the door. I put them in their stroller, gave them some crackers and some milk, and set out for a walk. Baby A was screaming and carrying on like he was being eviscerated the whole time, perhaps he was tired? He drank his milk, ate his crackers and fell asleep by 9:45. Yep, he WAS tired. Baby B, on the other hand, found the milk, snack and walk combination most refreshing, and perked up like a slug after rain. He yammered and chattered and giggled the entire 60-minute stroll, pointing out trees, cars, school busses and bikes, all objects of great interest, you see. He also said – Cold! as we got to the end of our walk. It was sunny, but a bit windy and only about 45 degrees Fahrenheit. Both boys were wearing all the required winter garments, including socks on their hands. (Recently, Baby B let me know that all the toddlers are doing the sock on the hand thing this season. Apparently, mittens are just soooo half an hour ago.)

We got back to the car and naturally Baby A woke up as I was getting him in his seat. (He only sleeps about 45 to 60 minutes for a nap) He did start the yelling again, but cheese puffs and apple slices soon settled him down, and his brother’s conversation kept him occupied on the way home. They didn’t sleep on the drive, but eventually Baby B took a nap around four in the afternoon.

This resulted in his staying awake until 10:00pm or so, while Baby A, who was tired after a busy day and only having a little morning nap, fell asleep at 8:30. They really must get their little heads together and plan this all out – it can not be pure coincidence! Does anyone else have this experience in common with us?

It's not bizarre, nor am I concerned - they are toddlers, and they are right on track developmentally. They are acting exactly as they should, which doesn’t make it easier to deal with at the time, but it makes it completely normal. Anyone who has a child, and especially those who have two children, will know all about the odd and irritaing little things toddlers get up to. Yes, they are little beasts, yes, they are totally exhausting, and yes, they are terribly charming, and as Bob Harris put it, “They are the most delightful people you’ll ever meet.”

What is also completely normal is my very real need for exercise and mental refreshment. I am so glad it has worked out with the boys in a good school and an inexpensive membership readily available at a gym located five minutes away from that school. The gym is also in the same plaza as a Super Shopping Market, which is Super Convenient. (If it were a Trader Joe's it would be just too perfect to be true, which is why the expression exists and it's not true, natch.) The point of all this, as if I need a point, is that once I decided to take time for me, and me alone, without feeling guilty about it, or apologizing, I felt better in almost every way. True, I am not writing in this blog/journal so much, but since I have the NOMOTC Notebook to work on, as well as my screenplay, I really don’t have that much time to spare anyway. I know that journaling is excellent practice, and that this blog has brought me to the attention of a few editors and has led to a teensy bit of publication (thank you, LP!), so I do plan on keeping it up. However, I shall not be able to post every few days, as I have been, because I am also working on my abs!

Back when the babies were a few months old, and all hell was crashing around me, I used to say - I have an “Instant Family!” Having twins is like getting a magic manic family powder; just add water, and voila! Siblings! Rivalry! Sleepless nights times two! How about some Scotch with that soda water, Mommy? Nowadays, thanks in part to my readers’ comments, thanks in part to my continued exercise habit and also thanks, in a small way, to an argument I had with someone who clearly doesn’t understand my experiences, lifestyle and family support, I see that the re-invention of the wheel is, unfortunately, the only way we new mothers can become mothers. I can see it, and I understand that different mothers have different solutions. Some attachment parent and some CIO; if it's right for your children, and keeps the family happy, it's right for you.

Our culture is not one that allows us to easily see the gory details of parenting, nor does our culture encourage the free and unvarnished exchange of experiences. Say too much, and new mothers or pregnant people think we are lying and/or trying to be scary. Say too little, and one is accused of lying, or hiding the facts. It’s difficult being a mother and way challenging being a mother of twins, and there is not a lot of information out there. (Oh, I know, I know, those glossy magazines have answers, but since I am not interested in making a cupcake bunny, (Baby B can't eat eggs, you see) those publications do not have the answers to the questions I am asking.) Therefore, I plan on keeping going with what I have worked out for myself. I don’t need therapy, I don’t need medication and I don’t need nasty people telling me my choices and opinions make me hateful and crazy and on and on. I am a normal person, with flaws and perfections and stupidity and smarts and warts (well, not really...warts - as if!) like everyone else. If I want to work out five days a week and eat organic chocolate and let my babies sleep in alternate shifts, I will do it. It’s the wheel I have invented for my family, and it’s keeping us rolling along.